


The Assassin and The Bookseller

by Adzeisval



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adzeisval/pseuds/Adzeisval
Summary: Crowley is urged by his brothers to take a more active role in the family business and make his first kill. The bookseller Ezra Fell seems to be an easy target. Nothing goes as planned. (Started this in my Whumptober 2020 fic, the first chapter is the same as it was there, second chapter is where the new stuff starts.)
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 58





	1. An Unexpected Complication

“Crooowley!” 

“Ngk!” Crowley jumped and nearly spilt his coffee on his laptop and did manage to knock over his notebook. 

“Oh Crowley!” 

“In here people!” he called out. As if he would be in any other spot than his computer desk. His brothers knew that, but sometimes Hastur and Ligur could be assholes.

“Ah there he is!” Ligur said entering the room with Hastur shortly behind him. 

“I’ve almost got the workup done on the bookseller,” Crowley said. 

“Good because you’re going to be the one to kill him.” 

That time Crowley did drop his coffee and cursed as it spread across the floor and his brother’s laughed. Crowley got a towel and threw it on the mess and looked at his brothers. 

“You can’t be serious. I don’t do that sort of work.” 

“You should be more in the family business Crowley. Dad coddled you, and he’s not here anymore is he?” Hastur said. 

Crowley swallowed, “I...you know I can’t…” 

“You do most of the research and planning. You know what Hastur and I do and when we do it. All you have to do is the actual deed. Easy mark too. You can do him in any way you want,” Ligur said. 

“I can’t…” 

“You can and you will Crowley,” Hastur said, “We support you, have your entire life through all your...life choices. Time you pulled your weight around here.” 

“I...I really…” 

“Crowley!” Ligur slammed his fist on the desk and Crowley jumped, “You will do this or you will leave here and be one your own. No money no nothing.” 

“Right. Alright,” Crowley said. 

“Come on baby brother this is an easy job. No time limit, not method request, you’ve already done most of the work. Easy,” Hatur said. 

“Yep, right. I’ll...I’ll get it done,” Crowley said.

“We knew you’d see reason,” Ligure said. 

“A little present for you,” Hastur said, tossing a bag toward him. 

Crowley waited until his brothers were gone before he looked in the bag. Rope, gloves, pills of some sort and other things like it. 

“Shit, shit, shit!” Crowley cursed. He should leave, take what he could before Hastur and Ligur caught on and run away. Running from two assassins; that was going to work well. He was certain that if he failed hard enough his brothers would kill him. 

They were right of course about their father protecting him. Their father was a hard man, one had to be as an assassin to kill people for a living. He had brought Hastur and Ligur under his wing before they were even out of school. But not Crowley. Crowley was taught how to gather information and track people. Never kill. Most would think it was an insult; too weak to be part of the family business, but that wasn’t it. 

Crowley looked very much like his mother; or so he was told and his father was gentler with him than with Hastur and Ligur. It didn’t seem like they held it against him but now, now that their father had been gone a few years they could act. 

“Ugh, fuck,” Crowley said. He didn’t want to kill people, but well with all the work he did for every assignment he did kill them. Just not directly. He had to do it; had to try he didn’t want to have to start over from scratch.

He picked up his notebook and leafed through what he knew about the bookseller, Ezra Fell, who some mob boss sort of real estate mogul wanted gone to take over the bookshop property. Crowley figured the first step since he already had the information was to scout out the shop.

Crowley watched as the owner of the bookshop fumbled with his keys as he entered the shop. The man was dressed oddly formal and wouldn’t look out of place on a period romance movie set. Crowley left his perch across the street and sauntered over to the window to peak in. 

The man fumbled with the telephone for a moment then went to the desk and sifted through the mess on it looking for something. The man was nervous, twisting his hands several times and pulling at the edge of his ancient looking waistcoat. Mr. Fell, looked like a strongly worded letter would push him to sell, that all one had to do would be to threaten to push over a bookshelf and he would cave. 

Crowley didn’t want to hurt the man. He couldn’t stand the thought of seeing him suffer or cry or beg. No. He was going to use poison. Something quick. He’d take Fell out for drinks or something, maybe come back to the shop and do what Mr. Fell wanted and all he would have to do was slip the poison in the drink and Mr. Fell wouldn’t wake up. 

Except…

The man was rather handsome really. Sweet and gentle looking. Crowley pushed the idea out of mind and walked away from the bookshop planning on being there in the morning to start wooing Mr. Fell. 

Crowley’s plan was complicated in the morning when he found the bookshop empty. Well the hours listed on the door were odd so he staked out the bookshop for a few hours. But really it looked empty and looked like Mr. Fell had gone on the run. 

Crowley went around back and let himself into the bookshop. It was dark and quiet and smelled ancient and somewhat moldy. He went upstairs to the apartment above and found the wardrobe there open and the bed hastily made.

“Gone,” Crowley said, “now where do you think you’re going Mr. Fell?” Crowley took out his phone and looked at the information provided for any clues and found none. After rifling around the apartment for a little while he went back downstairs to look through the desk. 

“I will find you,” Crowley said looking at the papers on the desk. Crowley sat down and looked at the collection of bibles and Nostradamus and the smattering of angel themed knick knacks. There was even a cup with angel wings on it. 

It was oddly endearing and made Crowley smile. 

He found a sticky note with what looked like a flight number on it and a time. Crowley picked up his phone and looked up the flight. Colorado. That made sense according to Crowley’s research Aziraphale had family in the states and if there was property he could hide out in it would make sense for him to head there. The Angel may have run but he had left a decent trail. A little more digging found a deed in the desk drawer that indicated Mr. Fell was the owner of a cabin in Colorado, inherited from his grandparents. Luckily there was a hotel in the nearby town. It would make a good place to stay while looking for the angel. 

Crowley made the proper reservations and went back to pack his bags and snatch his passport. He was going to give the angel a couple of days let him get settled in his hiding spot before Crowley came after him. Best not to spook a target; one of father’s rules. 

Crowley found the hotel to be rustic and a little...old fashioned but it was discreet and the people at the desk hadn’t looked at him too carefully and they wouldn’t remember him. It would work. He planned to go to the bar that evening and make plans to find the angel. 

As it turned out he didn’t have to plan to sneak up to the cabin or walk around town waiting for the angel, he was already in the bar. Mr. Fell was sitting in a booth by himself with a book propped up and a pint of something before him.

Crowley sat at the bar and ordered a shot of whisky. The bar was nowhere near full so he couldn’t really go and sit with Mr. Fell on that pretnese but as the evening wore on he decided to be more direct; sending a drink to the angel’s table. 

Mr. Fell looked up and the bartender pointed to Crowley who smiled and lifted his own pint. Mr. Fell frowned for a moment then ushered Crowley forward. Time to begin. 

An hour later Crowley found himself snorting a laugh into his pint, “Really, really? You think all music peaked with Mozart?”

“I do, you can’t get me to listen to anything modern. I just won’t like it,” Ezra said. 

Crowley laughed again, “Oh I’m sure I could find something.” 

Ezra shook his head, “No. I don’t think so dear.” 

The bartender called out the last call and Crowley realized how late it was and that they were the only people left. 

“Oh, oh dear, I should have been gone hours ago…and it was already starting to snow…” 

“If you’re worried I could drive back with you and make sure you get home alright?”

“Then I’d be worried about you...but if you’d like to come up, probably better than the Inn,” Ezra said. 

“I would like that,” Crowley said. 

Ezra was a slow driver but with the lack of light and the increasing amount of snow Crowley was actually thankful for it. It was when they were halfway back that it hit him again what he was about to do to this strange sweet man and he felt like he might not be able to do it. 

The cabin was a rustic open floor plan with a loft. The whole thing was covered in tartan and almost more books than were in the bookshop in Soho. It looked like Ezra came here often enough for it to not be dusty and the computer on the desk was old but not ancient. 

“Nice place,” Crowley said. 

“Been in the family for years,” Ezra said. Crowley walked around the living area looking at the books and the old dusty photos. Behind him in the kitchen Ezra was getting out a kettle and running water and rummaging about in the cabinets. 

He bustled over to the desk and Crowley caught sight of something leaning against the back screen door, a shovel still covered in dirt and a pair of muddy boots. 

“Gardening?” Crowley asked. 

“Yes, I think I’m going to need a rather large hole,” Ezra said. Crowley looked away from the boots and shovel, mouth open to question when a gunshot erupted and he was hit in the chest. 

Crowley collapsed to the ground; burning pain shot through his chest and he couldn't breathe. He laid on the floor grunting in pain and gasping for air. His hand fluttered to his chest and he pressed down where there was a hole in his shirt. 

No blood.

Now Crowley wasn’t naive and he’d worn a bullet proof vest just in case someone got wind of what was going on. The vest was on the cheaper side, but vests were another one of father’s rules. Getting killed on the job was a risk, Crowley knew that, it was how his father had died, but this...was the last thing he expected from the timid bookseller. He’d been shot, and he wasn’t sure if the vest had worked well enough but...but that really didn’t matter did it? He couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t move and Ezra had a gun and knew how to use it. 

Ezra came into sight just then and Crowley flinched and moaned. Ezra knelt and ripped open Crowley’s shirt. 

“A vest, tricky bastard.” 

Crowley lifted his head slightly but couldn’t lift it far enough to see anything before the pain made him fall back with a ragged gasp. Ezra patted him down pulling the packet of pills from Crowley’s pocket. 

“Poison?” 

Crowley shut his eyes tight and groaned. 

Ezra stood and leveled the ancient looking hunting rifle at Crowley’s head. Crowley whimpered and shut his eyes tight turning his head to the side. He wondered if he would hear the blast before the bullet tore into his skull. Crowley was crying, he was hurting and scared and if Ezra didn’t pull the trigger soon he felt the anticipation alone would kill him. And underneath it all he knew he deserved this sort of end for all the evil he had done. 

At least he didn’t have to kill Ezra. 

Crowley's stomach lurched and he somehow managed to roll on his side even with the pain and vomit. He groaned and let out a sob curling up on his side.

“Oh...oh God what am I doing.” 

Crowley heard movement and Ezra walked away. Maybe the man had decided shooting Crowley in the head would make too much of a mess and was going to finish him off another way. Knife maybe. Honestly Ezra could put a pillow over Crowley’s face and he didn’t know if he would be able to fight the man off. 

The door opened and shut. Crowley wondered if Ezra was running again. Then the door opened and shut again and Ezra came into view and knelt next to him and Crowley fought back another wave of nausea. Ezra reached for him and Crowley tensed. 

“Oh...I’m not...I know this is hard to believe, but I’m not trying to hurt you. Well not now anyway,” Ezra finished with a mutter. 

It was an absurd statement and Crowley couldn’t help but let out a choked laugh which hurt and caused him to groan and grimace.

“We should try to get you on the couch, clean you up a bit,” Ezra said looking at the vomit and then looking down at…

Oh. He’d pissed himself too sometime during all that. Crowley felt himself blushing with the shame of it. Some assassin he turned out to be crying on the floor puking and pissing himself. If Hastur and Ligur found out they’d laugh for days. 

“Crowley...is that really your name?”

Crowley attempted to speak, “Yes.” He managed to whisper. 

“Well Crowley I’m going to see if I can find some clothes and get some supplies, I’ll be back.” 

Crowley closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing. Every breath hurt and his chest felt both on fire and numb at the same time. He was trembling and sweating and he wondered if he was dying. This was not how he had planned the evening and he didn’t know what to feel about it. He hadn’t really wanted to kill Ezra and was relieved it didn’t happen. But now the man who had just shot him, the reason he was lying on the ground in agony was going to get him help and it didn’t make any sense.

Ezra came back with clothes, Crowley’s own clothes, and a tub of water and a towel. He laid a blanket down behind Crowley’s back and had a couple of pillows as well. 

“Right,” Ezra said, “If we can get you on your back and get you out of the pants, boxers too, and maybe just get you into some sweatpants.” 

Crowley could feel himself blushing at the thought of having Ezra help him out of his pants but he didn’t want to be in wet pants. 

“I won’t...you can wash yourself. I won’t look. I’m sorry.” 

“Okay,” Crowley whispered. Ezra helped him turn over on his back and they began the process of getting Crowley out of his tight jeans. Crowley was mortified and in agony and he couldn’t even look at Ezra during the whole thing. Worse he had to stop once the pants were off to try to catch his breath and let the pain settle down a little. But it did feel better once he was clean and the sweatpants were on.

“There we are that’s done, let’s try to get you on the couch to get the shirt and vest off so you can lie down after.” 

Crowley was only a few feet from the couch and he was able to pull himself up on his knees and basically crawl over to and onto the couch. He remained sitting though he felt a little dizzy doing so. 

“I’m going to try to cut this off, but it’s probably still going to hurt.” 

“I know,” Crowley said. As Ezra cut the vest away Crowley caught sight of the swollen bruising chest. The focal point was the left side of his chest, barely to the left of his heart. Had he not been wearing the vest the shot would have been fatal. Ezra had paused as well. When he started back up his hands were shaking. 

Crowley groaned as the last of the vest and shirt came off and he was able to lie back. He was shaking harder and felt short of breath. Ezra put his hand on the bruise gently but Crowley still flinched. 

“I...I’ll get some ice for it...find the first aid kit. I think you’ve got some broken ribs.” 

“I agree,” Crowley said.

“I don’t know if there’s anything worse but I’ll do what I can,” Ezra said worrying at his hands. He grabbed an empty basin and put in beside the couch, “If you need to vomit again.” 

Crowley’s hand fluttered over the bruise and he frowned, “Did I vomit blood?” Visions of broken ribs puncturing his stomach entered his mind.

“No, just the uh evenings indulgences.” 

“Good.” 

“Now, I have to ask, did you put anything in my drink earlier?”

“No,” Crowley said. 

“I think it best that we call a truce and not try to kill each other for the time being,” Ezra said, holding out his hand. Crowley took it and they shook. It was a silly thing to do, Crowley thought, but it was also somehow adorable even in the situation they were in. And it was good to know where they stood. It would make it easier to rest knowing that Ezra wasn’t going to shoot him in his sleep or slip the pills in his water. And Crowley could barely move so he wasn’t a threat. 

Ezra left and came back with a little water and two bags of frozen vegetables. Crowley winced as the bags went on and started to shiver more. Ezra draped a blanket over him and helped him take a sip of water. 

“If you can keep the water down I have aspirin, unless you have anything stronger with you?”

“No,” Crowley paused, “Thank you Ezra.” 

Ezra whimpered, “I shot you. I...If you hadn’t been wearing that vest...I don’t know what I was thinking.” 

“Self defence,” Crowley said. 

“I lured you to a secluded location, I dug a grave…” 

“Worked for me too. Might still need the grave,” Crowley regretted the last sentence when Ezra teared up and turned away letting out a shaky sob.

“Ezra if I die I don’t blame you.” 

“Still I don’t want you to die. We’re stuck here and… I don’t want to watch you suffer,” Ezra said. 

“If it gets bad, give me the pills. No pain.” 

“So that was your plan then? Slip them in my drink, bed me and then we both go to sleep and I wouldn’t have woken up?”

“Yes.” 

“And how many people have you done this to?”

“You were going to be the first. Still not a good man. Deserve this.” 

Ezra sighed, “Well we’re stuck here for the duration of the storm and we’re just going to have to move forward I suppose.” 

“Agreed. Sleepy.” 

“Sleep Crowley, I’ll watch over you.” 

“You’re an angel,” Crowley mumbled as he slipped into sleep.

*****

Ezra moaned and put his head in his hand rubbing his cheeks and closing his eyes. He had been on the computer for the past half hour researching broken ribs and signs of internal bleeding. 

Ezra let out a shaky sob. He’d almost just killed a man. He’d shot a man. Oh it had all been different in his mind. Like a story. He was the hero and the assassin was the villain and he was going to outsmart the man and survive. But this was reality and he had almost killed a man. 

He couldn’t get the image of Crowley crying and shuddering in pain lying on the floor out of his mind. At the moment Crowley was asleep or passed out. Ezra left his searching to switch out the frozen vegetable bags. 

Ezra drew back the blanket and took the now fairly warm bag from Crowley’s chest. Ezra winced at the look of the man’s bruised chest. Crowley was breathing shallowly which was going to be a problem. All the information he’d found made it clear that pain control was the number one issue in broken ribs and that if one didn’t take deep breaths pneumonia could be a complication. Ezra wasn’t sure how he was going to help manage Crowley’s pain with just over the counter meds and bags of frozen vegetables. 

At least there didn’t appear to be any internal bleeding at least nothing that was killing Crowley quickly. Ezra put two fingers to Crowley’s neck and felt a steady, if a little fast, pulse. His breathing was shallow but that was due to pain most likely. Crowley was pale but there was color on his cheeks and his lips weren’t blue so Ezra hoped that meant Crowley was getting enough air. 

Ezra put the new bag on Crowley’s chest and Crowley moaned.

“It’s alright Crowley, you’re alright,” Ezra said. Crowley didn’t wake and Ezra put the blanket back over him and moved away. He paced around the cabin a little. This...this situation was so strange. He’d...he was taking care of the man who was sent to kill him. Really Crowley was still dangerous wasn’t he? But Ezra knew he couldn’t kill Crowley, not now that he had thought of it. The gun...that had been...just a part of the plan he didn’t think about. Now he was thinking. 

Ezra went about trying to do some normal things. He went outside and made sure everything was secure as the snow kept piling up. He made sure there was enough wood inside so he didn't have to stomp back and forth much bringing in the wood. It was well past midnight and he should go to sleep. He looked at Crowley’s bags and decided to quickly go through them just in case there was something dangerous there.

Ezra found Crowley’s passport, Anthony J. Crowley was forty years old and didn’t seem to do much traveling. There was a folder of paperwork all full of information on Ezra. But there was nothing dangerous in the bags and it wasn’t as if Crowley would be able to move around easily. Ezra stoked the fire and headed to the loft where he was certain he wasn’t going to sleep at all. 

Crowley woke just before five in the morning, with a moan and a gasping breath. Ezra got up and found Crowley clutching at his ribs and looking around. 

“It’s alright Crowley, I’ll get more meds, ice pack,” Ezra said bustling about as Crowley continued to struggle. 

“Oh...fuck...fuck!” Crowley said closing his eyes tightly and hissing in pain as the frozen bag went on his ribs. Crowley calmed after a few minutes but he was still quite clearly in pain.

“I’m sorry, this is all I have,” Ezra said, helping Crowley take the over the counter pain meds knowing they were not going to be strong enough.

“I know your ribs are what’s hurting most but is there anything else? Anything you need?” Ezra asked. 

“Just the ribs. Have to pee.” 

“If you’d like you can use the basin here, if you’re not up to going to the bathroom.” 

Crowley nodded, “Don’t want to get up.” 

“Right, I’ll go get something started for us to eat. I know you’re probably not hungry but you need to eat, and I know it hurts but you need to try to take deep breaths when you’re awake or...or you might get pneumonia.” 

“I’ll try,” Crowley said and Ezra left him to get some food going so Crowley could relieve himself in peace. He’d get a washcloth and water for him to wash a little as well. It didn’t take long to fix some scrambled eggs and some oatmeal, both simple things Crowley could take a couple of bites of or more if he wanted. 

Crowley watched Ezra take care of the basin and then set the breakfast spread on the coffee table. Ezra helped Crowley sit up. 

“This is so strange,” Crowley muttered. 

“I know,” Ezra agreed, “But it is what it is.” 

“You have enough food?”

“Plenty. I was planning on staying here for a few months at least and I prepared for winter. I’m here at least once a year usually in the summer so it was easy to get the place up and running.” 

Crowley took a little of the eggs and oatmeal and a piece of toast and Ezra was glad that he finished what he took. 

“Thank you Ezra.” 

Ezra cleaned up after breakfast was over and Crowley was still awake and staring off into space when Ezra came back in the room. 

“Ezra? What happens now?”

Ezra sighed, “Well we’re stuck for now. I could probably dig out and get to town if it would stop snowing. I don’t...I’m not sure after that.”

“You, uh, you’re not going to kill me? Still have a truce?”

“I’m not going to kill you Crowley. I don’t...I can’t even believe I shot you. And you? Are you going to try to kill me?”

“No. You’ve been...kind to me. Somehow for some reason. Could’ve just thrown me out in the snow,” Crowley said, unable to look at Ezra as he spoke. Ezra sighed.

“When will someone realize you’re gone?”

“Weeks maybe. There was no hurry on this job. Eventually my brothers will try to find me. And if they find out you are still alive we’re both in trouble,” Crowley said. He sank down on the couch a little further and winced with a small groan.

“Oh what are we going to do?”

“Could fake your death but then you wouldn’t be able to go back to London,” Crowley said. 

“I don’t want to lose my shop, but...I don’t want to keep looking over my shoulder for people trying to kill me.” 

“We have some time to think,” Crowley said. 

“You keep saying we Crowley.” 

“I uh, ngk, I yes. We might have to work together to both survive this,” Crowley said blushing as he spoke. 

“This is a nightmare,” Ezra said. 

“Being snowed in in Colorado fits the mood quite well,” Crowley said. 

Ezra chuckled, “At least we don’t have to worry about ghosts or malevolent spirits.” 

“So modern music is out but Stephen King gets a pass?”

Ezra shrugged, “I was curious as to why it was so popular. I have enjoyed what I’ve read of his.” 

Crowley started to chuckle before wincing and cursing under his breath. Ezra watched to make sure Crowley was alright and not for the first time realized how handsome he was and Crowley seemed genuinely interested in him and oh what was he doing now? The man was an assassin and Ezra had shot him. 

Crowley let out a sigh and leaned back closing his eyes. 

“Do you need help lying back down or is this better?”

“This is better, more ice?”

“Yes, I’ll get you a fresh bag,” Ezra said. 

*****

Crowley had come to two conclusions when he woke the third morning after getting shot; one he was going to live and two he had a massive crush on Ezra Fell. 

He was somewhat getting used to the pain in his ribs and he desperately wished he had something stronger to control the pain but he was absolutely certain that he was going to live through it. The vest had protected him enough that he didn’t have internal bleeding and he hadn’t gone into shock and died. From what he knew there wasn’t much beside stronger pain meds any doctor could do about broken ribs anyway. As long as he managed to breathe deep enough to stave off pneumonia then he was good. Walking was difficult but it was nice to be able to get up and go to the bathroom by himself.

As for the second conclusion; the more he talked with Ezra the more he liked the man. He had always thought Ezra was gorgeous from the moment he set eyes on him but he found the man’s personality just as cute. And he was being so kind in taking care of Crowley. Ezra could have pushed him broken and potentially dying out into the snowstorm to fend for himself and Crowley would have deserved it. 

Instead Ezra was taking care of him and talking to him and had even given Crowley his phone back when he complained of being bored. Ezra didn’t fully trust him and maybe he never would but the phone was a good start. 

Crowley could stay there forever and be perfectly happy. 

But reality was going to come crashing down on them sooner or later and they were going to need some sort of a plan. People wanted Ezra dead, people expected Crowley to do the deed and when neither thing happened they were going to be in for trouble. 

“Need a fresh ice pack?” Ezra asked.

“Hmm? No, no just thinking. About the real world,” Crowley said. 

Ezra plopped down on the couch, “We should probably come up with a plan. I wish we could stay here forever but...trouble will find us eventually. Better if we face it head on I suppose.” 

“We’ll think of something,” Crowley said. He had no idea not yet of what he wanted to do or what they could do or what they should do but he wasn’t going to give up and run away. He didn’t know if Ezra felt the same way about him but he felt a desire to protect the angel however he could and though every bone in his body was telling him to run he wasn’t going to run away. 

They’d think of something.


	2. Breakfast and a Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezra comes up with an idea, Crowley makes breakfast. They both pine.

Ezra pulled the covers over himself and curled into a little ball on his side. It was cold; the storm had cleared out and now things were freezing. Crowley was likewise cuddled in a pile of blankets on the pullout couch bed. 

Ezra couldn’t sleep. The cold was only part of the problem. The bigger problem was what they were going to do and how they were going to do it and the fact that there were still people who wanted him dead. All for a building. And that he really couldn’t give it up. Ezra turned over again burrowing in the blankets with a sigh. 

Eventually though Ezra did manage to fall into a fitful sleep. He dreamed of being in the bookshop and men coming in to kill him. He dreamed of Crowley getting killed. In the dream Crowley was moaning and dying slowly…

Ezra woke with a start breathing heavily. Something was wrong. Crowley let out a choked cry from the couch and Ezra jumped out of bed. Crowley really was moaning it hadn’t just been a dream. 

“No, no,” Ezra said as he rushed to Crowley's side. It had been a week since he’d...since he’d shot Crowley surely they had passed the danger of him dying? 

“Crowley?” Ezra flipped on the light and knelt next to the couch reaching for Crowley.

“Mmm...mama…” Crowley mumbled. 

“Crowley wake up,” Ezra said, shaking Crowley lightly. Crowley woke and sat up nearly knocking into Ezra. He groaned clutching at his ribs and struggled to catch his breath. But eventually he did calm down, breathing evening out and Ezra relaxed a little. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

“Yes, sorry, was a nightmare,” Crowley said. 

“I thought you might...that something might be wrong medically,” Ezra said. 

“Feel alright.” 

“Must have been a bad nightmare,” Ezra said, “The way you were crying out.” 

“Worst kind. Part memory,” Crowley said. 

“Oh. Terribly sorry.” 

“My...my mom died when I was five. Car accident. I was...in the car too.” 

“I’m so sorry my dear,” Ezra said sitting beside Crowley on the bed and taking his hand. 

“Was icy. Two cars ahead of us collided and spun our way. Toward my side of the car. She swerved, I think she was trying to have the truck hit the front bumper, overcorrected and it hit her side of the car,” Crowley lifted a shaking hand to his face and sighed, “I’m sorry.” 

“No it’s alright. That’s a very upsetting nightmare.” 

Ezra wanted to pull Crowley into his arms to comfort him more but he was uncertain if Crowley would welcome that and it would likely hurt Crowley’s ribs. Ezra shivered. 

“You...you should go back to bed s’cold,” Crowley said. 

“Right, right,” Ezra said, “Do you need anything?” For a moment it looked like Crowley was going to say something but then shook his head. Ezra went back to his bed and snuggled in the blankets again. 

He tossed and turned and thought about how much he wanted to go back down to Crowley or have Crowley come up to him and sleep in the same bed. Crowley was so...different. So kind underneath the cool exterior, wily and intelligent, handsome and…

Oh.

Oh no.

His crush on Crowley was developing into something more wasn’t it? Oh that was utterly ridiculous. The man had come here to kill him and...and Ezra had shot him. There was no way that Crowley felt the same. And yet...Crowley was always talking about them as ‘we’ when talking about the future. But that was just about how to get out of their current situation. Once it was over surely they would go their separate ways. 

Would it be safer if they stayed together? Or would that make it worse. Ezra sighed. There was no easy answer to any of it unfortunately. If only Gabriel Arch, that mob wretch, would die or…

Well Crowley was an assassin wasn’t he? Couldn’t he go and kill...but no Crowley could get all the information for certain but Ezra knew that in his heart Crowley was a kind person. No matter all he had done and helped do. Underneath that all was a good man. Ezra couldn’t send him to kill or even plant the idea in his mind. So assassination was out of the question. 

Ezra flipped around in the bed some more turning ideas over in his mind. Information. That was the key wasn’t it? If Crowley could find some information on the people who wanted the bookshop; get them arrested for something, could that possibly work? 

Ezra fell asleep thinking about it, a little excited that he might actually have a good idea. 

He woke sometime after sunrise and wanted to stay in bed where it was warm. Ezra knew he should get a fire going and probably get a pot of tea on. There was a clatter from the kitchen and a quiet curse and Ezra sat up to see what was going on. 

Crowley was in the kitchen standing up gingerly with a messy spatula in his hand. Crowley put the spatula in the sink and leaned against the counter hands over his broken ribs breathing to steady himself. After a few moments he pushed off from the counter and went back to what he was doing. 

Which was apparently making breakfast. From the loft Ezra could see the kettle on the stove and two frying pans as well. Crowley was moving slowly as he worked but seemed to be moving fairly well. He was humming something as he worked and it made Ezra smile. 

Ezra wrapped himself up in his robe and made his way down to the kitchen. 

“Good morning Crowley,” he said, peaking at what was in the pans. 

“Morning.” 

“That looks lovely,” Ezra said. Crowley blushed a little. 

“Ss just pancakes and eggs,” he said. 

“Still it is a lovely surprise.” 

They ate together at the table and Crowley’s cooking was wonderful and it was so nice to have something made for him for once. And Crowley seemed to be eating far more than he had the entire time.

“You’re feeling better,” Ezra commented. 

“Hmm. Yeah, have an appetite again,” Crowley said. Ezra smiled. He was almost done eating and on his second cup of tea when he realized that he was having breakfast cooked by someone who had been planning to kill him with poison. There was a brief moment where Ezra paused and worried and then felt bad for doing so. Luckily Crowley didn’t seem to notice. 

“So I was thinking last night,” Ezra said, “About what to do. You said you usually get information on people?”

“Usually.” 

“Well this might be a bit of a far fetched idea but what if we, you, found something on the people who want my shop. Ordered my assassination.” 

“It is possible I suppose. Worth a try. We’d have to be careful we don’t want it getting back that we’re behind it. I’m not sure how we hide it but...well first I suppose I’ll have to find out if we have anything to work with. It’s a good starting point. Good job Ezra.” 

Ezra smiled, “Let me know if I can do anything to help with it. I’m not an expert or anything but I might be able to help.” 

Crowley nodded. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by his phone ringing. Crowley frowned as he reached for it. 

“Shit...ah shit.” 

“What is it?”

“My...my brother. Hastur. I’m not gonna answer that,” Crowley said. They fell into silence with Crowley looking at the phone as if it might bite him. It wasn’t long before the phone dinged and Crowley picked it up. 

“Text. He wants to know if...it’s done, client is getting impatient.” 

“Hmm. I wonder how long the property will have to be held in courts until they can claim it.” 

“Are you thinking about...faking your death? Until I find something to take him down. I would hate for it to take too long though.” 

“You might have to get your brother off your back. I don’t know stage a...death photo? Me in the bed looking dead? I don’t know this is all ridiculous isn’t it,” Ezra said with a huff. 

Crowley was quiet for some time then sighed, “Maybe. Would you hide out here? I don’t think I’ll have to leave right away but there will probably be a point I’ll have to head back to London.” 

“I’d stay here I suppose,” Ezra said. He really didn’t know if the plan would work or if Crowley would be able to find something in time to save the shop. Should he really be trusting Crowley? This was all insane. 

“Let’s see what I can find today, we’ll stage a photo tomorrow if I find something good.”

“I hope you’re not thinking of something...too bloody,” Ezra said. He didn’t want to have to clean up the mess.

“Nah, probably not. My brother would be more suspicious. Think he knows I’d use poison,” Crowley said, “We’d just...uh maybe put on some pale makeup. Could probably photoshop something too.” 

“Good. Well...thank you for breakfast. I’ll clean up if you want to get to work,” Ezra said. 

“Thank you Ezra,” Crowley said with a smile and Ezra couldn’t help but smile back. Oh, but the longer he was here the worse it was going to get wasn’t it? 

*****

Crowley sighed and rubbed his eyes and leaned back in Ezra’s desk chair. Ezra had been so kind as to lend him the desk to work on and Crowley had fished out his laptop and gotten to work trying to ignore the message on his phone and all thoughts of his brothers. 

Once he got going that was easy enough. His thoughts on Ezra though...those were getting harder to ignore. A few hours after breakfast Crowley realized how much effort and hopeful trust it must have taken Ezra to sit down to breakfast cooked by a poison wielding assassin. 

It made his heart ache and feel good at the same time. Ezra was so...well maybe a little naive sometimes? Of course a flare of pain in his ribs reminded him that Ezra was nowhere near as naive as people took him for. Ezra then...wanted to trust, wanted to believe the best of people even when presented with the worst. It was endearing. And it made Crowley want to protect Ezra. 

Was that weird? To want to protect and be in love with a man that had shot him? Nearly killed him. Would have killed him if either Crowley didn’t wear the vest or if Ezra had aimed for his head from the get go. Ezra was completely competent and Crowley still wanted to protect him. It was such a weird combination and Crowley loved it. 

Ezra could never fall for him though could he? Ezra was a kind person but this was just pity for having hurt Crowley. Nothing more and Crowley shouldn’t be disappointed at that. Crowley wasn’t...well he wasn’t what most people wanted. He wasn’t much to look at, a gangly ginger, and he was slow to get into the physical aspects of being in a relationship. Oh he could sleep with someone and he didn’t think he was horrible in bed but...most went too fast in that regard. Wanted too much too fast and too often.

Crowley sighed. He needed to get back to work and stop daydreaming about Ezra. 

It didn’t take long for Crowley to find dirt on Gabriel Arch and it was also extremely easy to start leaking things to this place and that.

And it was fun. 

Oh it was so much fun fucking with someone like that, someone that was dangerous to Ezra and dangerous to him as well. 

“I hope this works,” Ezra said that evening as they sat down to dinner. 

“So do I, so any luck with finding makeup or something that might work? Or should we...or one of us...go to town?” Crowley asked. 

“I’ve got enough I think,” Ezra said, “Should be able to make me pale enough.” 

“We need something to make your lips bluish, my brothers will notice, and I’ll make sure not to get too close to your eyes, they won’t look right since you’ll still be alive.” 

“Right,” Ezra said. 

That night Crowley couldn’t sleep thinking about taking the picture in the morning and making Ezra up to look dead. He hoped that it would work; that it would pass for real for long enough. 

They started after breakfast Ezra spent quite a while looking into the bathroom mirror and spreading pale makeup on his face. Crowley came in with the blue watercolor paint he’d found to help. 

“Oh...oh my,” Ezra said looking in the mirror, “I look horrible, does it look right?” 

“I think so, let’s get you in bed,” Crowley said blushing at how that sounded. But Ezra didn’t say anything as he made his way to the loft bed. 

Ezra laid down on his side, arms out in front of him with his head on the pillow. Crowley pulled the blanket over Ezra’s lower body. 

“Good, open your mouth a little more, eyes barely open,” Crowley swallowed hard his hand shaking as he took a picture. 

“Stay still, I’m going to take a few seconds of video,” Crowley did so and lowered the phone. 

This was almost what happened. If he had gone through with it Ezra would have really been on the bed. Dead. Still. Heart giving out in the night. Would it really have been painless? Would Ezra have felt something? Suffered?

“Crowley? Crowley are you alright?”

Crowley blinked and looked at Ezra, “Sorry. Just...could’ve…” Crowley felt like he couldn’t breathe and put his hand over his wounded ribs. Something was wrong. Very wrong. His heart was pounding and he felt shaky and like he was going to cry or scream or both. 

“Crowley, look at me,” Ezra said and Crowley struggled to look at Ezra. 

“Sorry…” he managed to whisper. 

“Can you take a deeper breath for me?” 

Crowley tried and managed to get a slightly deeper breath in. Ezra urged him to keep going. It was a panic attack, and not Crowley’s first, and part of his brain recognized what was going on. A small part. 

“Keep taking deeper breaths, I’ll be right back.” 

Crowley tried to breathe and failed some of the time. He knew he was shaking, he might have been crying. He didn’t know how long Ezra was gone before he was back pushing Crowley’s phone into his hand. 

“Can you play me your favorite song?” Ezra said.

“I...uh...sure.” Crowley scrolled through his music and popped on Bohemian Rhapsody turning the volume up a little bit. By the time the song was over he was breathing normally and the shaking had subsided. He looked over at Ezra and blinked. 

“Better?”

“Yes. Thank you. Sorry.” 

“Do you want to talk about it? Or do something else?” 

Crowley was quiet for quite some time before he spoke, “Looking at you like that got me thinking. That it almost did happen. That I almost slipped poison into your drink that would have stopped your heart. That it is supposed to be painless but I don’t know for sure that it is. You are such a kind person; a good person. I almost killed you because I’m too much of a coward to stand up to my brothers. That I like my shitty apartment in London and the money they give me to the point that I help them kill people.” 

“I am not always kind. Or good. I shot you with the intent of killing you. I knew the moment you stepped into that bar that you were there to kill me. I hate bars. I hoped the assassin would come there and find me. I flirted with you with the intent of getting you back here so I could kill you and bury you in the hole I dug in the back yard. If you had not been wearing a vest, or if I had shot you in the head I would have killed you. You must hate me.” 

Crowley shook his head, “I don’t. Quite the opposite actually.” It was out of Crowley’s mouth before he could think through it and he looked up at Ezra’s shocked face and then down again. 

“I...I know...I don’t...I’m sure you’d never…” his chest was feeling tight again he’d walked right into the conversation where Ezra was going to reject him. He might be nice about it, kind, he might let him down easy. He had every right to laugh and be cruel. It would hurt either way and Crowley wasn’t prepared. 

“Crowley…” Ezra reached out and took his hand. 

“Ss okay, be honest,” Crowley said. 

“I...I like you too Crowley. This is strange. I hurt you. Badly. I feel so guilty about it. I didn’t think you’d ever...I don’t know, forgive me for the pain I caused you.” 

“I do forgive you,” Crowley said. 

“And I forgive you for coming here to kill me. Neither of us are dead. This isn’t, well it isn’t a conventional way of meeting someone but...we can move forward from this. If we...want to give it a go. Be friends. Maybe more.” 

“Even with what you know about me, what I’ve done?” Crowley asked. 

“It does bother me but...I don’t know. I’m rather more curious as to why you like me. I’m not remotely attractive. I’m a fussy old fashioned…”

“Ezra you’re adorable,” Crowley said then blushed sure his face was turning red and the thought of it made him blush harder, “You are you and comfortable with it. And not remotely attractive? Whoever has told you that in the past is full of shit Ezra.” 

“You don’t...uh...mind the gut?” Ezra said looking down and worried and Crowley’s heart ached at the site. 

“I like it. You’re soft and I like it.” 

“Oh. Oh good. I wouldn’t...want to get into this only to have you make suggestions that I should lose weight or something. It’s happened more than once and...I can’t do it again.” 

“I would never suggest such a thing,” Crowley said and Ezra smiled. Crowley was about to say something about his smile about the way it gave him butterflies in his stomach when his phone rang. 

“My brother…” 

“Answer it, I’ll be quiet,” Ezra said. 

The moment Crowley answered the phone he heard cheering on the other end and both Hastur and Ligur congratulated him on his first kill. 

“Don’t rush coming home baby brother, make sure you do the aftermath right,” Hastur said. 

“I know, I will,” Crowley said and the call was over. He felt a little tension leave his body; they had bought it the photo and there would be time for them to figure it all out. 

“Sorry,” Crowley said looking up at Ezra. 

“We don’t get to choose our families do we? My family was very religious, and not very accepting of the fact that I am gay. They never threatened to disown me or kick me out. I believe my parents loved me. They just, they were disappointed I think. I never brought any of my past boyfriends home or mentioned anything about my love life or any of it. It was better kept in the dark,” Ezra said, “I can’t blame you for sticking with your family and doing things you don’t like to do so. I’ve done the same.” 

“I’m sorry Ezra.” 

“I suppose of late I’ve felt that I’m so far behind in the relationship department that it isn’t worth it,” Ezra said. 

“I uh, well my issue is that,” Crowley swallowed hard, “I’m asexual.” 

“Oh? Do you uh...well you don’t have to give details...it’s intrusive I’m sorry,” Ezra said a blush spreading over his face. 

“No it’s alright. If we uh, decide to make this a relationship I want you to know. I’m not against the idea of having sex. I’ve done it. Just...takes me a while to want it and I’m picky I guess you could say of what I like.” 

“Well as far as I’m concerned I don’t have uh, much of a libido you could say. I don’t mind going slow, in fact I prefer it,” Ezra said. They sat in silence for a little while longer before Crowley let out a little chuckle. 

“We’re kind of an odd couple aren’t we? Do you think....might this work?” Crowley asked. 

“It certainly isn’t a conventional way to meet a potential partner but...I can’t help the fact that I quite like you Crowley,” Ezra said. 

“I like you too Ezra.


	3. Coming together, falling apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Ezra's relationship continues to build, until reality come in and complicates things.

Ezra Fell had been dead for almost a month now. Ezra didn’t really mind being dead. He wasn’t much for social media or doing much on the internet that would reveal he was alive. He could just stay curled up and read. 

He and Crowley had ventured into town a few times to stock up on supplies and make an appearance so the locals knew they were still alright. It would take quite some time for any of what was going on in England would reach the area and hopefully the town would never know that Ezra was supposedly dead. 

Crowley did his work and messed around on his phone; Ezra read. They ate together and often watched movies together in the evening. It was quite nice. He was so very comfortable with Crowley around. 

They were both on the couch; Ezra was reading and Crowley was doing lord knows what on his phone. A loud crash against the roof made Ezra jump and Crowley made some sort of noise as he dropped his phone. There was another storm blowing in; it had been snowing all morning. Crowley and Ezra stumbled into coats and went outside to investigate. 

It ended up being a small dead branch from one of the pines that had hit the roof and rolled off. From where they both stood it didn’t look like there had been any damage. 

“I’m going to check around the house, maybe get more wood in,” Ezra said, “I don’t think this is slowing down.” 

“I’ll help,” Crowley said. 

By the time they were done it was time for dinner and Ezra couldn’t help but notice Crowley’s shivering and rubbing his hands often. He found himself looking at Crowley more and more as time went on. The way his eyes lit up when he smiled, the way he moved his slender body, and a laugh that made Ezra smile no matter what.

The winds were howling outside as the snowfall increased. Even with the heat on and fire going it was cold in the cabin. 

“Crowley?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I uh, I was wondering if you’d like to sleep in the loft tonight. It would be warmer,” Ezra said. 

“If it wouldn’t bother you, I am a bit cold,” Crowley said. Ezra felt a little nervous at the prospect. He hadn’t slept with anyone in the same bed for a long time and by the sound of it neither had Crowley. Of course Crowley had been sleeping on the couch for quite some time now and it really wasn’t that different. 

Crowley waited until Ezra had settled into bed before crawling under the covers himself. Crowley turned on his side to face Ezra. 

“Thank you Ezra,” he said holding out his hand. After a moment Ezra took it. It felt nice and Ezra couldn’t help but scoot a little closer to Crowley as he pulled the blankets around him. Ezra thought it might be a little harder to fall asleep with the new situation but it wasn’t long at all before he was asleep. 

He woke some time later, probably in the early morning with Crowley pressed right up against him, head against Ezra’s chest arm over his side. Ezra moved his hand softly running it through Crowley’s hair as he fell back to sleep. 

Ezra woke in the morning in the opposite position, with his head against Crowley’s chest. Crowley was still asleep, breathing slowly and steadily, heart beating against Ezra’s ear. Ezra remembered taking care of Crowley after...after and hoping that he didn’t stop breathing, hoping that he would find a pulse when he checked. Now here he was breathing without pain, sleeping soundly and cuddling with Ezra. The world was a very strange place sometimes. 

Crowley started to squirm a bit and mumbled something, a few minutes later he started to stretch then stopped his eyes flying open. 

“Oh, ngk.” 

“Morning,” Ezra said softly. 

“Morning, is this okay?”

“Yes, if it’s alright with you,” Ezra said, pulling away so he could see Crowley’s face. Crowley looked nervous but gave a little nod. 

“I like this,” he said. 

Later that day Crowley was on the computer while Ezra was making lunch. Ezra set down a sandwich beside Crowley, who looked up at it and then at Ezra. 

“Oh, thank you Ezra. I lost track of time.” 

“You’re welcome Crowley,” Ezra frowned a little, “Why do you go by Crowley? I uh well I saw your passport. Anthony is a perfectly fine name.” 

Crowley gave a little laugh, “It is, I just don’t like it. Not much of a Tony either.” 

“Middle name? Wouldn’t go by mine. Ezekiel. I’m always thankful my parents went with Ezra for the first name.” 

“Well Ezra Ezekiel Fell, I happen to be Anthony Jay Crowley. Not much of a Jay either,” Crowley said. 

“Not an AJ?” 

Crowley's face shifted, he looked upset for a moment and looked away before looking back, “Went by AJ as a kid. Haven’t been AJ since my mom died.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry dear.” 

“It’s alright. Here let me show you something,” Crowley said. He left the deck and rummaged through his bag pulling an old worn photo and handing it to Ezra. 

There were five people in the photo; a tall man with blonde hair, a woman with red hair and three children. The woman held a small child with the same red hair and the same smile. The two other boys stood side by side in front of their parents, one pale with blonde hair and one with darker skin and hair. 

“You look very much like your mother. Same smile.” 

“My brother Hastur looks looks like dad now,” Crowley pointed from the blonde child to his father, “And Ligur, as you’re probably wondering, is my half brother. Don’t know the story there.” 

Ezra opened the desk drawer and pulled out an old photo album there, “Well I suppose since we’re sharing,” he flipped through and found a picture of himself and his parents at about the same age. 

Crowley giggled, “Aww look at you, fat little cherub. You turned from a little cherub into an angel.” 

“Ha, I’m hardly an angel,” Ezra said. 

“I think you are,” Crowley said lifting his hand and running it lightly through Ezra’s hair, “Angelic curls for one.” Ezra couldn’t help but look down to Crowley’s lips. He wanted to kiss Crowley. He blushed at the thought surprised at how much he wanted it. 

“Alright Ezra?”

“Oh I just got lost in thought.” 

“What were you thinking about?” Crowley asked. 

“Kissing you, actually,” Ezra said softly lowering his gaze face burning. Crowley lifted Ezra’s chin. 

“You can kiss me angel, I would like that.” 

Ezra hesitated only a moment before leaning forward to meet Crowley. It was a quick kiss, quite chaste really but it still sent tingles down Ezra’s spine. He pulled back to look at Crowley’s face and found him smiling. He leaned in and kissed Crowley again. 

“Thank you dear,” Ezra said. 

“Sure angel,” Crowley smiled. 

One afternoon Crowley started laughing and wouldn’t stop. Ezra was more than a little worried but Crowley just turned the laptop screen to Ezra. The headline at the top of the page read, “Real Estate mogul Gabriel Arch arrested.” 

“Oh...Oh it...it worked! Oh Crowley I think it worked!” 

“I think it did! I wasn’t sure if it would but this...oh this is good news Ezra!” 

“Oh it would be good to go back to London. Back to the shop. I miss my books,” Ezra said. 

“Would be nice to get back to London yeah?” 

“You know, I’ve never asked where in London you live,” Ezra said. 

“Mayfair, not too far from Soho,” Crowley said. 

“Very good,” Ezra said. 

“So we...this...you’re not going to get back to your shop and…” Crowley shook his head, “Sorry I…” 

“I might get a bit lost in my books but I will not abandon you. I...this isn’t a relationship of convenience for me. I want to continue it. We may have to keep it quiet until the whole thing blows over but getting back to London won’t make me forget you.” 

“Sorry. Being stupid.” 

“You are not stupid dear, but I do hope someday you will feel secure in this relationship,” Ezra said and Crowley nodded. It hurt Ezra to see Crowley so unsure of himself. He hoped that once they were back in some sort of normal life Crowley would realize how much Ezra cared for him.

It was such a nice thought; going home. Home to his shop and his books and his favorite restaurants. 

“Have you ever been to the Sushi place in Soho?” Ezra asked. 

“Nope.” 

“Ahh! We should go there once we’re able to. Best Sushi in London I say,” Ezra said. 

Crowley smiled, “That sounds nice.” Oh that smile. Crowley’s genuine smile was something of a rarity and when it happened it made Ezra’s heart flutter. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to it, no matter how often he saw it and he wanted to see it as often as he could. 

They celebrated that night; Ezra and Crowley teamed up to try to cook a gourmet meal and ended up with something not quite gourmet but still very good. They drank and they laughed and they were having such a good time. 

And then Crowley’s phone rang. 

“Damn it all. My brother. I should answer it,” Crowley grumbled and answered the phone. Ezra kept as quiet as he could. 

“Wha...slow down Hastur...I...of course I haven’t heard I’m still in bloody America!” Crowley ran a hand through his hair and walked away from the table. He was pacing around the living area as he talked to his brother and Ezra busied himself with cleaning up dinner and tried not to eavesdrop. 

Crowley came back into the kitchen not long after sitting down and looking upset. Ezra sat down beside him. 

“My brother Ligur is dead.” 

“I’m so sorry Crowley.” 

“I...he...Ligur is dead,” Crowley mumbled. Ezra put his hand on the table in case Crowley wanted to reach for it but the man was still in too much shock. Ezra just sat and waited and when Crowley spoke again it was far more coherent. 

“Ligur got arrested when Gabriel Arch was, apparently the two were in business together Ligur was more than just an assassin for him. My brother Ligur has enemies and they found him in prison and they...they killed him.” 

“I’m sorry Crowley.” 

“I have to go back to London. Right away. I...you should stay here a bit longer. Then I’ll find you at the shop Ezra.” 

“Crowley…” 

“I’ll find you at the shop,” Crowley said. 

Ezra watched in shock as Crowley gathered his things and left. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to stop Crowley but he couldn’t and it wasn’t right. Crowley had family and he had to go home. It was selfish for Ezra to want him to stay. 

It was his fault Crowley’s brother was dead. 

Ezra had asked Crowley to take down Gabriel and that had gotten Ligur thrown in jail. And killed. Ezra wouldn’t be surprised if he never saw Crowley again. He couldn’t bear to watch Crowley’s car pull out of the drive.

For the longest time he just sat there, completely still and unsure what to do. 

Then Ezra started to cry. 

*****

A week later he was back in London and in his shop where he wanted to be. Gabriel was taken care of for the time being. The charges would keep him busy for years to come if not longer. Ezra should have been ecstatic. He wasn’t. 

Every time the shop bell dinged he looked up hoping to see Crowley there. Crowley wasn’t going to come back. It was all too much. He had thought that there was a great chance that they would be able to keep the relationship up when they got back but then...well the real world could be cruel. He was alive, he had his shop, and he was alone. 

Part of him wanted to be angry at Crowley, and he was still very upset, but more than anything he hoped that Crowley was alright. More than once he found himself thinking in horror that maybe Crowley had died. That his brother Hastur had known the truth and lured him back to London to kill him. God the thought was horrifying and Ezra tried not to think of it. 

One month turned into two and Ezra stopped looking up at every customer that came in. 

One evening he was just getting ready to close when the bell dinged. He was just about to tell the customer that he was about to close but as he looked up he stopped short.

Crowley. 

Ezra couldn’t move, he blinked to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. No, Crowley was here looking very unsure himself. 

“Uh...hi Ezra. I. I know you probably...I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come, I’ll go.” 

“No. No please stay Crowley. I’m not angry, well I am a bit but...it’s good to see you alright.” 

“I’m sorry Ezra. I wanted to come back but I was scared. Hastur, my brother, he I think he guessed some of what happened. He was watching me, wouldn’t let me out of his sight. Either that or he just was worried about me. I don’t know. I didn’t think it was safe to come here and then time passed and I figured you were mad at me and wouldn’t want to see me. I’m rambling I’m sorry.” 

“I thought you might be dead. That your brother lured you back to kill you. You left in such a hurry. Oh I don’t know,” Ezra said. He wanted to be mad at Crowley; he wanted to go up to Crowley and slap him for how he had broken Ezra’s heart and made him worry. But a good part of him also wanted to wrap his arms around Crowley and not let go. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you Ezra. It was a horrible thing to do. I guess...I just…” Crowley sighed, “Goodbye Ezra, I wish you all the best.” 

“Wait, Crowley please don’t leave,” Ezra said, “I don’t want you to leave. I’m...you did hurt me but I don’t hate you for it. I don’t want you to leave. I want to talk.” 

“Sure, yeah, I’ll stay.” 

Crowley came further into the shop and Ezra locked the door and led Crowley into the backroom. Crowley sat down on the couch fidgeting and looking at the floor. Ezra wasn’t sure how to start or what exactly to say. He didn’t want to drive Crowley away. 

“Crowley I...I am angry and hurt but not to the point that I don’t want to see you. I want to know where you stand. Do you want to make the effort to make this work? Or did coming back make you change your mind? I want you to be honest with me more than anything.” 

“I got scared. Thought that leaving you alone was the best way to protect you. I was scared of my brother, then scared of what would happen if I came to the shop. Afraid that you’d dismiss me or yell and hit me. Had a dream that you told me you wished you’d aimed for my head. Let it get to me,” Crowley said. 

“Do you want to be with me Crowley?”

“Yes. I do.” 

Crowley was shaking and couldn’t look up from the floor. Ezra realized he probably expected to be rejected. That every thought in his mind was bracing for the pain of it. That he thought he was unworthy of forgiveness. 

“I want to be with you too Crowley. I want to give this another try. I want to try this out in the real world, our normal lives.” 

“Oh, oh I thought, that’s good.” 

Ezra reached out for Crowley’s hand and took it giving it a squeeze. Some of the tension left Crowley’s body and he was able to look up at Ezra and smile. 

“So uh you, you mentioned a Sushi place?” Crowley said after a while. 

“Oh yes, it really is the best in all London. Shall we go there, tomorrow maybe?” 

“That sounds wonderful,” Crowley said.

“Good. We can walk from here if you want to be here at sixish tomorrow?” Ezra said. 

“I’ll be here,” Crowley said.


	4. Fight for Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Ezra work on their relationship. Another potentially deadly complications arises.

Crowley was nervous. He kept going back to the mirror in his bathroom to make sure he looked alright. After the fifth time he sighed. 

“It’s just a sushi place,” Crowley grumbled. But it felt like his whole relationship with Ezra was riding on this one date. He had been a fool to hide so long but he didn’t really want to bring any attention to Ezra and Hastur seemed to be watching him. Or he had just been lonely after losing Ligur. Hastur seemed more than a bit unhinged and paranoid and had decided in the end to leave the country and go into hiding.

Crowley wished Hastur had done so earlier. No, it wasn’t Hastur’s fault it was Crowley’s and he had a chance to make it right and he was going to give it his best shot. 

Ezra was waiting and smiled when he saw Crowley which set him at ease and he smiled back. Ezra was excited to show Crowley all the best menu items and make suggestions and the longer it went on the more at ease Crowley felt. 

“Mmm, this is absolutely scrumptious,” Ezra said with a slight wiggle. 

“Very good,” Crowley agreed.

As they walked back to the bookshop Ezra reached out for Crowley’s hand and he took it even though he thought he might be shaking a little. 

“Would you like to come in Crowley?”

“Yes, sure, of course,” he said. Now he was feeling nervous again. He thought it had been a good night but there was always the chance that Ezra had come to the conclusion that it just wouldn’t work. 

“Oh dear you look a little nervous,” Ezra said handing him a glass of the scotch, “Please don’t be.” 

“Mmm sorry. I just...I really like you Ezra and I know there is a possibility that I have ruined this.” 

“You haven’t,” Ezra said plainly, “I had a very good time tonight and every minute I spend with you feels good. Feels right. All relationships have their wobbles and we didn’t exactly meet in a normal manner, but this feels right. I want to see you again, and again, and again.” 

“I want this too,” Crowley said, “I am so glad you had a good time angel.” 

“Angel,” Ezra laughed. 

“Do you not like it?”

“Oh I suppose I do.” 

“Well you do look a bit like one, and you do have quite a lot of angelic decor. So you are an angel.” 

“Well then I suppose you are some sort of serpent, long and slender…” 

“Potentially poisonous?” Crowley said with a chuckle. 

Ezra blushed, “Didn’t think of that.” 

“It’s alright, I like it,” Crowley said. 

“Also snakes have a bad reputation but are actually quite nice, caring creatures,” Ezra said. Crowley blushed. 

When Crowley got back to his apartment he felt relieved. And excited at the possibilities.

*****

Crowley made his way toward the bookshop wrapping his coat tight around him against the chilly air. He was nervous and more than a little excited. He and Ezra were going to a concert and though Mozart wasn’t really Crowley’s favorite Ezra had practically burst into giggles when Crowley gave him the ticket. 

It was adorable. 

They had been back together for a month and a half now and things were going well. 

“Hello dear, come in I’m almost ready,” Ezra said. He was almost bouncing as he walked and it made Crowley smile. 

“You look lovely Ezra,” Crowley said. 

“You do too my dear,” Ezra took Crowley’s hand and led him toward the door. The best part about the concert was watching how excited Ezra was and how much fun he was having. Crowley was in a very good mood all through dinner and the walk back to the shop. 

“Oh Crowley this was just wonderful, please come in for a drink. And...well would you like to spend the night?” 

“I would like that,” Crowley said.

“I keep going on about how much fun I had but did you have a good time too dear? I know the music isn’t your style but…” 

“It was awesome angel, and I’m very glad you had a good time,” Crowley said, accepting the glass of whisky from Ezra. They sat together on the couch and Crowley let Ezra ramble on about the music and the dinner with a smile on his face that wasn’t going to go away. 

Ezra stopped for a moment chuckling slightly and blushing, “I’m just talking and talking I’m sorry dear.” 

“I like watching you so excited,” Crowley said. Ezra shifted closer to him.

Ezra smiled and blushed, “I, uh. I have a question Crowley.” 

“Oh?”

“How do you feel about kissing?” 

Crowley swallowed hard, setting his glass down, “I like kissing, especially if it’s with you.” 

Ezra got close to Crowley seeming to lose a bit of his nerve and Crowley closed the distance. Ezra’s lips were far softer than Crowley remembered from their brief kiss months ago. They seemed to melt into the couch as Ezra wrapped his arm around Crowley’s back and Crowley ran a hand through Ezra’s hair. 

Ezra moaned and put his hand on Crowley’s chest pushing Crowley down. Crowley tried to lay down gracefully but ended up getting his leg twisted and started to slip off the couch. Ezra tried to correct his balance which made Crowley topple faster and soon they were on the shop floor in a pile of limbs. 

“Sorry,” Crowley said, starting to giggle which made an already giggling Ezra giggle harder and press himself into Crowley. 

“I’m, ha, sorry dear,” Ezra said rolling to the side, “Maybe we should take this upstairs.” 

“Probably a good idea,” Crowley said, pulling Ezra close for a quick kiss before they got up. The bed was much more comfortable and Ezra once again pushed Crowley down. Crowley loved having Ezra’s softness, his weight pushing against him. It felt so safe. He felt loved. 

“Sorry dear,” Ezra said pulling back, “I feel like I’m crushing you.” 

Crowley shook his head, “I like it Ezra, I like you close.” He pulled Ezra back down. Ezra’s hand started to wander up Crowley’s shirt and Crowley tried to shuffle out of it elegantly but it ended up being more of an awkward tangle of limbs which made Ezra giggle. Crowley went for Ezra’s shirt but Ezra pulled back. 

“I…” Ezra frowned, “Are you sure you want…” 

“I do, but only if you’re comfortable with it.” 

“I suppose it’s only fair,” Ezra said and shuffled out of his shirt. His eyes were closed tightly looking down and Crowley realized Ezra didn’t want to see Crowley’s reaction. Crowley put his hand on Ezra’s cheek.

“Hey, you’re alright, you’re beautiful Ezra,” Crowley said. Ezra made a little scoffing sound and still wouldn’t open his eyes. Crowley pressed a little closer and planted a gentle kiss on Ezra’s forehead then on his nose which got Ezra to giggle and open his eyes. Ezra looked from Crowley’s face down to his own body then back.

“This is alright? You’re not…” 

Crowley looked at Ezra’s body, the soft fluffy chest hair, the soft contours of his chest and stomach, “Ezra I very much like what I see.” 

Ezra stared at him for a few moments, “I can see that you do, though it might take me a while to fully grasp that.”

“Can I kiss you again?” Crowley asked, unsure if Ezra was too overwhelmed to continue. In answer Ezra kissed him and took Crowley’s hand and put it on his own chest. Crowley looked at Ezra who nodded. Crowley ran his hands around Ezra’s stomach and couldn’t help the moan that escaped from his lips. 

Ezra’s kissing started to slow down a little and he pulled a bit away from Crowley, “This is...I....” 

“We can cool it for the night, if you’re overwhelmed,” Crowley said, “Do you need anything?”

“You’re so sweet Crowley. You really are,” Ezra said. 

“And you are beautiful Ezra,” Crowley said. 

They got ready for bed with Crowley making Ezra some cocoa. He wanted more than anything for Ezra to feel safe with him. He’d been in enough relationships that were rushed that he knew how bad that could be in the long run. 

“Thank you dear, for the cocoa and giving me time to process things. And remember when we get to it again that you always tell me to stop as well. Don’t be afraid to voice your needs.” 

“I know, I feel perfectly safe with you Ezra.” 

“And I you. Are you up for a cuddle before we fall asleep?” Ezra asked. 

“Yes.” 

Spending the night at the shop became a common thing for Crowley. There were nights when they had other things going on and this and that but Crowley spent a lot of time at the shop in general. Some days they just sat around other days they went out of lunch. It was becoming a nice comfortable routine and Crowley was happier than he’d been in a long time. 

Summer was getting on and it was a bit hot and stuffy in the shop.

“Oh did you say you wanted rice or no?” Ezra asked. 

Crowley looked up from where he was working on Ezra’s finicky old shop computer, “Nah angel, thanks for picking up lunch.” 

“Of course, back in a jiffy,” Ezra said popping out of the shop. Crowley finally figured out what was wrong with the computer and was able to fix it. He took the pen he’d been fiddling with and slipped it into his pocket. With that done he stood and stretched and the heat made itself known again. Crowley felt a bit sticky and sweaty and went upstairs to get another, lighter shirt to wear. He did briefly consider waiting for Ezra to come back in his underwear but decided against it; there were actually customers who came in as well. 

The bell above the shop door dinged and Crowley felt he made the right decision, “I’ll be down in a moment!” He finished changing and looked out into the shop trying to spot the customer. 

“Hello?”

No one answered and Crowley shrugged. Someone probably peaked in and decided the shop wasn’t for them.

“Hello baby brother.” 

Crowley jumped looking over at his brother standing at the top of the stairs, “H...Hastur...I…you scared the shit out of me!” 

“Oh I’m going to do more than that,” Hastur said. He lifted his hand to wipe a strand of hair back from his face, revealing the knife he held. 

“Hastur…” Crowley took a step back.

“You lied to me. To Ligur. I come back to London to settle a few things and what do I find? My brother fucking around with the man he was supposed to kill. And then I got to thinking about Gabriel Arch wanting the shop and it hit me. You were the one who brought him down. And Ligur. You got him killed,” Hastur said. 

“Ligur made his own enemies,” Crowley said. He wasn’t sure how he was talking, his heart was pounding and he was shaking and Hastur had a knife and knowing him probably a gun.

“You betrayed me brother, betrayed us! For that prissy fat bastard?” 

“Don’t talk about him like that!” 

Hastur snarled, “Exactly what I thought.” Hastur took another step forward and Crowley found his back against the wall. 

“Hastur please…” 

“Oh no. No begging, didn’t think you were that much of a coward. A liar maybe but you know what is going to happen.” 

That mad gleam in Hastur’s eye told Crowley everything. Hastur was here to question him of course but there was only one way this was going to end in Hastur’s mind. With Crowley dead. Hastur wasn’t just mad, he was in full on assassin mode. Crowley wasn’t armed. Hastur was taller and stronger than him. Crowley was going to fight. He'd already made that decision but he didn’t know if he could win. 

“I’ll be plain, baby brother, I’m going to have to kill you. And then when Mr. Fell get’s back, I'll kill him too.” 

Crowley could feel himself shaking; there was no talking Hastur down from this. His highly skilled assassin brother was going to kill him and then Ezra and Crowley didn’t know if he could stop him. 

“Now, you just let it happen Crowley, don’t struggle and it won’t hurt,” Hastur took another step toward Crowley. Crowley desperately tried to figure out something to do, something to grab or go for to fight his knife wielding brother. 

The pen. He had the pen in his pocket and it wasn’t much but it was something.

Crowley lunged tackling Hastur to the ground aiming to drive the pen into Hastur’s neck. Hastur’s fist collided with Crowley’s chin knocking him back and then Hastur got on top of him. Crowley reached up to try to push Hastur off but it was too late. 

The knife slipped between Crowley’s ribs to the hilt. Crowley let out a strangled cry going limp beneath Hastur as pain radiated through his whole body. 

“Now see Crowley, if you’d been holding still I wouldn’t have missed your heart.” 

Crowley could see the hilt of the knife protruding from his chest. Hastur had missed his heart but not by much.

“Take a while to bleed out or suffocate from this, but I’ve got an idea. Let me get this out first.” 

Hastur twisted the knife as he pulled it from Crowley’s chest and Crowley felt the sickening familiar feel of ribs giving way and snapping. He was going to black out. He didn’t really want to know how Hastur was going to finish him off, didn’t want to choke on blood in blinding pain but Ezra...he couldn’t leave Ezra. 

Hastur was dragging him now toward the stairs and the railing that overlooked the shop. 

“This’ll be good, Mr. Fell will come back to find you hanging and as he stares I’ll shoot him dead.” 

“No. Oh please no. God please. I’m done for. Help me save Ezra. I know I don’t deserve any mercy but please help me save him,” Crowley couldn’t think straight; every breath was agony and he could taste blood. Suddenly there was a rope around his neck and Hastur pulled him up to push him over the edge. 

“High enough to break your neck, it’ll be over soon brother.” 

Crowley tried to breathe and tried to gather enough energy. If he could throw his weight and take Hastur over the edge it might do something; it might be enough. 

The shop door opened. 

“So sorry the line was…” 

Crowley looked up locking eyes with Ezra he desperately wanted to tell him to run. Ezra dropped the take out bags but was frozen on the spot. 

“Ah, Mr. Fell, a little earlier than I expected. No matter,” Hastur dropped the rope and raised his gun. Crowley gathered what strength he could muster and grabbed Hastur. Just as the shot rang out he and Hastur went over the edge. 

Crowley came to on the floor, unsure at first what had happened. He lifted his head vision blurry as he looked around. Hastur was on the floor in front of him eyes open wide, pupils blown; dead. There was a pool of blood beneath his head. 

Crowley couldn’t see Ezra, couldn’t hear him. Crowley tried to pull himself into a sitting position but pain flared in his right hip and his right wrist was swelling and sore.

“I’m not dead yet,” Crowley thought,” Have to find Ezra.” 

It was slow going crawling across the floor toward where Ezra should be. His hip and wrist made it hard to move and he wasn’t getting enough air. His chest was tight, his lungs wouldn’t expand normally, and he was still losing blood.

Ezra was on the floor, unmoving, a bright red patch of blood on his shoulder. Crowley made it to him desperately seeking any sign that Ezra was alive. Crowley put his hand on Ezra’s chest just as Ezra took a shallow breath. 

Alive. 

Ezra was alive. 

Ezra’s phone was on and Crowley could hear a voice on the other end, Ezra had managed to call for help before passing out.

Crowley slumped against Ezra, completely spent. He couldn’t breathe, it felt like the weight of the world was on his chest. He couldn’t breathe, his heart was struggling beating strangely in his chest. 

Dying. 

“I’m dying.”

He felt strangely calm. He’d done all he could and whatever would happen would. He wanted to stay, he wanted Ezra to be alright. Crowley was starting to fade away. 

“AJ?” 

Crowley blinked.

“AJ baby can you hear me?” 

Crowley looked before him and saw a woman. No not just any woman. 

“Mama?” 

“Oh AJ,” his mother smiled. He remembered that smile. It was odd seeing her shorter than him she had always seemed so tall when he was a boy. 

“Oh. Am I...I’m dead aren’t I? This is…” Crowley tried to look around but there was nothing but fog it seemed. He didn’t know if this was real or if it was just what his dying mind wanted to see. 

“You’re not dead yet sweetheart, you are still dying. And your fate is not yet certain,” she said. 

“I might live? And Ezra? Will he make it?”

“I don’t know, he is fighting to stay as well.” 

That was good, Ezra was fighting. Crowley didn’t know what he would do if he survived and Ezra didn’t.

“I’m scared mama,” Crowley said, “I don’t know what to do.” 

His mother wrapped her arms around him and it felt so very real and he felt like this might be what the afterlife was like. He knew going back would hurt, it would be a painful struggle to stay alive. A long recovery. And there was no guarantee that Ezra would live or really that Crowley would. 

“I know you’re scared baby. I love you. No matter what you decide I will always love you.” 

“I love you too mama. What...what do I have to do to fight?” 

“You need to breathe baby, you need to breathe.” 

The fog around him cleared a little and he saw his body lying against Ezra on the bookshop floor. He wasn’t breathing. He felt the pull between whatever came after death and the pull back to his body. To pain, but also to possibility. To Ezra. 

Crowley made a choice. 

Crowley took a breath.


	5. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezra wakes up in the hospital and learns what happened to Crowley

Ezra went in and out of consciousness unsure of where he was and what was going on. He had a vague feeling he was safe, that he was being taken care of. In and out. Time was passing. Ezra didn’t know how much time. When he woke up and could actually think he still felt strange. He blinked and looked around the room. Lots of white, machines, IV in his arm. Hospital. He was in hospital. 

Just then a woman came in, “Ah Mr. Fell you’re awake.” 

“Yes, I think I am,” Ezra said. He still couldn’t place why he was in the hospital but his shoulder did feel odd.

The nurse looked at his vitals and checked the IV line. Ezra felt like he could fall back asleep but he didn’t want to until he figured out what was going on.

“What happened? I don’t remember,” Ezra said. 

“You were shot Mr. Fell.” 

It hit him suddenly. He had come back to the shop. There had been another man. Crowley had been hurt. A gunshot. Pain. Crowley and the man had fallen and Ezra had tried to get to him. Ezra tried to sit up, but pain in his shoulder stopped him.

“Easy Mr. Fell.” 

“Crowley. There was a man brought in with me. Anthony Crowley,” Ezra felt dizzy with the thought that Crowley hadn’t made it. Maybe he hadn’t even made it to the hospital. How long had it taken for help to get to them? Crowley had been bleeding badly and and…

“Please, is he...did he…” 

“He’s in surgery,” the nurse said, “That’s all I can say.” 

“But...how long have I been here? I’m so confused,” Ezra said. He hadn’t felt the pain in his chest at first but trying to move around made his right shoulder throb in pain and he wasn’t sure what was going on. 

“I’m sorry I can’t say much dear.” 

“He’s my boyfriend, please.” 

“I’ll have to get the doctor and the police. This whole thing is under investigation. I’m sorry.”

“How long have I been here?” Ezra asked.

“You were brought in three days ago.” 

“Am I going to be okay?” he asked. He desperately wanted to know what was going on with Crowley but he didn’t even know what was happening to him he realized. He was awake and though his shoulder hurt it wasn’t the worst pain ever so that was good right?

The nurse smiled, “You’re healing well. You lost a lot of blood and there was muscle damage. You'll probably need physical therapy to get full use of your arm back. You are lucky Mr. Fell.” 

He supposed he was lucky but he couldn’t even feel good about it or be thankful for it when he didn’t know what was going on with Crowley. 

A doctor and a policeman came in shortly after the nurse had left. Ezra was in no mood for it but he figured the quicker he gave them information the more likely he was to get information about Crowley. 

Ezra told them he thought the man had been Crowley’s brother, that he didn’t know much about their relationship or why Hastur would want to kill Crowley and him. There was a tense few moments when the doctor and the policeman left when Ezra thought he was going to have to wait forever or never be told what was happening with Crowley. 

Then the doctor came back in. She sat down next to the bed with a smile. 

“I’m Doctor Uriel Mr. Fell. First do you have any questions about yourself?” 

“Not at the moment, can you tell me about Crowley?”

“Yes. He is in surgery at the moment.” 

Crowley had been brought in barely breathing, chest filled with blood, ribs broken. His right hip had been shattered and dislocated and his right wrist broken in two places. He’d been rushed into surgery and he came out of it successfully. Then earlier that morning he had been taken into surgery to work on his hip. 

“When will we know how it went?” Ezra asked tears starting to form in his eyes. Doctor Uriel took his hand.

“I will come and let you know how it went. He is being given the best treatment possible Mr. Fell.” 

Ezra wiped tears from his eyes. He wished he could see Crowley, but it was a relief to know that he was still alive. When Doctor Uriel was gone Ezra started to pray. 

“Please God, watch over Crowley. He is such a kind person at heart,” Ezra prayed. Ezra tried to keep his mind occupied while he waited for news of Crowley but it was difficult. He tried to rest. He tried to watch TV, he tried to read. His mind would not leave Crowley. The whole thing seemed to be taking far too long. Ezra’s heart jumped and he couldn’t breathe when Doctor Uriel came in.

“Mr. Crowley made it through surgery,” Doctor Uriel said. 

Ezra sighed, he felt a great weight was lifted. Still alive, Crowley was still alive. But...he felt a ‘but’ coming on. 

“He is still in critical condition. There was a complication during surgery and we nearly lost him. These next few hours are critical. It could go either way, but there is a very real chance that he will not make it.” 

“Can I see him? Just for a moment. Please.” 

“We’ll get you there if you’re up to it,” Uriel said. 

“I am,” Ezra said. He had to get to Crowley, had to see him. Could push himself through any pain to be with Crowley who was fighting so hard to stay alive. 

Getting out of bed and into a wheelchair was a little harder than Ezra expected but he was not going to stop. They wheeled him to the surgery recovery room where Crowley was and Ezra’s heart sank when he saw him. 

Crowley was barely clinging to life, hooked up to so many monitors and machines he looked impossibly small. 

“Oh Crowley,” Ezra stood and took Crowley’s hand, “I’m here Crowley. I’m alright. I’m here for you.” Ezra fought the urge to beg Crowley to stay with him. The thought of losing Crowley hurt, but the thought of forcing Crowley to linger and suffer made Ezra’s stomach turn. After an hour or so Ezra felt too fatigued to stay. He kissed Crowley’s hand before he left. 

“I love you Crowley.” 

Ezra woke the next morning eager to know what was going on with Crowley. He wondered if he would know, would he feel something if Crowley died? Would he sense it somehow? His stomach twisted in a knot when Dr. Uriel came in. 

“Mr. Crowley is doing much better this morning,” she said and Ezra let out a relieved sigh. With that good news he complied with the doctor’s examination and a few tentative little stretches that hurt more than he thought they would. He agreed to eat breakfast before they took him to Crowley. 

Ezra supposed Crowley looked a little better, less pale, less on the edge of death. Ezra sat and spoke to Crowley until lunchtime. 

Every day Crowley got a little better. Every day Ezra visited as much as he could. That became much easier when they moved Crowley in the room next to his; in fact once that happened Ezra was barely in his room at all.

Ezra was almost well enough to go home; but there was a problem there. His home was still a crime scene and hadn’t been cleared yet. He was probably going to have to stay in a hotel for a while. 

Luckily there was a hotel near the hospital and the nurses helped him apply for aide since Crowley was still there. He was so thankful for all the help. He would be back every day to visit Crowley and he had to start physical therapy soon to get his arm back into shape. 

But for the moment he was going to enjoy a nice soak in the bath. 

Ezra walked into the hospital the next morning to find a lot of activity around Crowley’s room. He paused, afraid of what was going on and what he would find. Then he locked eyes with the head nurse Pepper who came over to him. 

“What…” 

“He’s waking up. They’re doing some tests, making sure he’s not in pain. I’ll get you in as soon as you can go in.” 

“Good, thank you.” 

It wasn’t long before Ezra was let in the room. A policewoman was there and he wasn’t going to be able to talk to Crowley alone until they’d interviewed him. Crowley looked over eyes still hazy as Ezra entered. 

Crowley smiled and reached for Ezra. Ezra couldn’t help but start to cry. Crowley was alive; he was awake and he was reaching for Ezra. He didn’t realize how much he had been fearing that Crowley wouldn’t recognize him until just then. He kissed Crowley on the cheek. 

“I’m so glad to see you awake. Oh I was so worried,” Ezra said. Ezra wanted very much to climb right into the hospital bed with Crowley but there was too much in the way and Crowley was still healing. But thank God, thank all the goodness in the world, Crowley was alive and awake. 

“Angel,” Crowley whispered. 

Ezra pulled back so he could see Crowley’s face, “I’m here dear.” 

“Feel...high?”

“You’re on a lot of medication dear.” 

“Hmm,” Crowley mumbled a little as he slipped back into sleep. Ezra breathed a sigh of relief as he sat beside Crowley. Over the next several hours Crowley woke up on and off and always looked happy to see Ezra. Ezra read to him as he had for many days now. It was much easier to leave that night knowing that Crowley was improving.

Crowley was lucid enough to be interviewed by the police the next afternoon and it was nice to be alone in the room with Crowley after that. Crowley seemed a bit worried about the investigation but he was in good spirits otherwise. 

Ezra walked in the next morning to hear Crowley softly crying. He paused at the door wondering if he should leave Crowley alone but then Crowley looked over and saw him reaching out for him once again. 

“Oh love what is it?” Ezra asked, taking Crowley’s hand.

“Jus...overwhelmed.” 

“I’m here if you want to talk about it or distract you or just be here,” Ezra said. 

Crowley smiled, “How are you doing angel?”

“Oh I’m holding up. Physical therapy can be a bit painful but I feel about back to normal otherwise. You saved my life Crowley. I think your brother’s shot would’ve hit something more vital if you hadn’t...pulled him over. Heard from the EMT that the way you collapsed on me put pressure on my wound and helped stop the bleeding.” 

“You saved us both by making the call,” Crowley said, “I think...I think I’m going to make it angel but I’m a little scared. More surgery coming up for the hip. What if it’s too much? Nearly died the last time. Heart stopped.”

“They wouldn’t do the surgery if they didn’t think it was safe,” Ezra said and leaned in to kiss Crowley, “And you are strong willed and a survivor. But there’s nothing wrong with being scared dear.” 

“What if...what if I can’t walk again, or need a walker or cane or…” Crowley shook his head. 

“That doesn’t make you any less deserving of love and I love you Crowley and will be with you the entire time. It will probably be hard and frustrating but you won’t be alone,” Ezra said. 

“What if…” Crowley swallowed hard, “What if I go to prison? I don’t know...don’t know what…God Ezra I’m so scared.” 

Ezra wrapped his arms around Crowley as best he could pulling him up a little and rubbing his back as he cried. Ezra whispered quiet words of encouragement and devotion. Crowley soon settled down.

“Thank you Ezra, needed to get that out. I know you’ll be here for me. I love you too, by the way.” 

Ezra kissed him gently, “I am here for you love. I’m not going away.” Crowley smiled and looked a little better. Ezra was hopeful that everything would work out; they were in for a fight but one he thought they could win.


	6. Eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley makes progress and Ezra has a surprise for him

Crowley lifted himself out of the wheelchair using the bars on either side of him. He had to put more pressure on his left wrist and arm as his right was still healing. His right hip protested the change in position but the pain wasn’t unmanageable. 

He took a deep breath and steadied himself. 

“You’re doing good Crowley, you’ve got this,” Bee said. Crowley rather liked his usual physical therapist Bee who others called Lord Beelzebub because they tended to push a bit hard. But Crowley didn’t mind it, didn’t mind working hard. 

Crowley took a step and then another. It felt weird and he didn’t think he could do it if he wasn’t holding onto the bars but these were the first steps he was able to take. Recovery had been slow with all the damage and complications but Crowley was finally at the point where he could begin walking again.

And once Bee and the doctors were sure he could move around without hurting himself they would let him go home. He’d be relying on the wheelchair and walker for quite some time. He had a feeling he might need a cane permanently. It was different and frustrating but it was doable. He was alive. There was so much to be thankful for. Ezra, music, good food, the chance to live in the world for a little longer. It was good to put things in perspective. 

“Very good Crowley, how does it feel?” Bee asked. 

“Weird, feel a bit shaky. Hurts but not bad.” 

Crowley was able to walk to the end and back to the wheelchair and sit down again without hurting himself or tiring himself out. He felt good. 

The good feeling faded a little bit as the policeman entered his room.

“Ah Mr. Crowley, up for a little chat?”

“Of course,” Crowley said. Here it was, whatever they had found they were about to act on it. He wished Ezra was there. 

“Well we’ve finished the investigation and your brother’s death has been ruled as accidental and self defence on your part. I don’t know how much you know about what your brother was doing but there was some criminal activity there,” the man said. 

“I had wondered,” Crowley said, not sure how his mouth was managing to speak. 

“Yes well it is a bit convoluted. What this means for you is that we’ve seized your brother’s assets,” the man handed Crowley some paperwork, “This is the information you need. You can sue for the assets and the information on how to do that is in the packet.” 

Crowley was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was waiting for them to bring up his own involvement in the family business. He was waiting for handcuffs to be put around his wrists. 

“Is there something wrong?” the man asked. 

“No, sorry, just...still hard to think about what happened,” he said. 

The policeman smiled sympathetically, “My number is in the packet, if there is anything else I can do let me know.” 

“Thank you officer,” Crowley said. Crowley was still in somewhat of a daze when Ezra came in. 

“Oh did something happen dear?” 

“No, well yes, weird day,” he said and explained about walking and then the officer and then the information. 

“It’s...I can’t believe they didn’t find anything on me,” Crowley said. 

“I don’t know dear, but I am so glad you had a good day of therapy, that is a wonderful accomplishment dear,” Ezra said. 

“I’ll be able to go home soon,” Crowley said. 

“I’ll stay with you at your place for at least the first night, make sure you’re alright,” Ezra said. 

That evening Crowley let himself imagine being out and home and able to get back to some semblance of normalcy. He thought a lot about Hastur. There was only one thing that made sense in Crowley’s mind.

Hastur had been planning on murdering Crowley and Ezra. He would have left town for some time after that but he would have wanted to come back to London eventually. The police would have found Crowley and Ezra dead and Hastur wouldn’t want them to trace the crime back to him. So he had effectively erased Crowley from any of the family business. It sounded right and it made sense. So in the end Hastur had done something that benefited them. 

Crowley found that he missed Hastur in Ligur in some strange way. They were his brothers after all. 

Crowley also felt free. Free of his former life, free to make a new start of things and he was not alone. This was a second chance of sorts and he intended to make good of it. 

Ezra was there in the morning when Crowley was released with a huge smile on his face as he watched Crowley get out of the bed and into the wheelchair on his own. 

“Now we’ll go to your flat, pick up whatever food you’d like, and do whatever you like,” Ezra said. 

Crowley went straight for his houseplants when he got in. Ezra and his neighbor downstairs had been watching them and they looked wonderful. 

Ezra was smiling the whole day and Crowley wondered if he didn’t have something up his sleeve. As evening turned to night he finally gave in and asked. 

“Oh well I’ve got a surprise for you at the shop if you want to see. I know, well maybe I should have asked, but if you want to come over. I know with what happened there…” 

“I want to see. If it makes you smile like that I want to see.” 

Ezra blushed, “Oh good.” 

Crowley rested for a few days enjoying being home again. He did his exercises and was getting rather good at walking with the walker and it felt so good to be back home. Still he was very curious about what Ezra had been up to in the bookshop.

Ezra looked nervous as he unlocked the bookshop and Crowley wanted to reassure him that everything was fine but he was also nervous about being in there again. 

He eased the walker through the door and looking around the shop he felt the anxiety drop; this was Ezra’s shop, a nice safe place. One instance was not going to ruin that.

“Right this way dear,” Ezra said, leading him toward the back of the shop. Crowley had spent many hours in the back room of the shop with Ezra and he felt good about being in that particular spot again. But something was different, there was a wall there now and…

“I wanted you to be able to spend the night here if you wanted. I know the stairs are going to be troublesome and with no lift...well…” Ezra opened the door. The space looked a little smaller enclosed but with the bed and the lights and lamps it looked like a bright safe place. Like Ezra, it looked like Ezra. 

“Well I know it’s a bit strange maybe it’s a bit selfish but…”

“Ezra I love it,” Crowley said carefully sitting on the bed and motioning for Ezra to sit by him. 

“Oh good. I had hoped so. Got myself worked up over it. You’re under no obligation to stay here but it’s here if you like,” Ezra said. 

“I would love to spend the night Ezra, this is...very kind and considerate. I...it’s almost too much, I hope I can give you something in return.” 

“You do love, oh you do,” Ezra said, “I have never been with someone so accepting of me as you. You like me the weight I am, you don’t make fun of or try to change my style. You don’t get fed up with me reading all the time. You never try to shut my music off, or get me to go out all time. You don’t mind that I’m fussy and anxious. You love me in a very comfortable way and I do like my comfort. I want to give you that as well.” 

“You do Ezra, I’m not as good with the words but you do. I love this, I love you. I am so grateful for all of this.” He leaned toward Ezra and they kissed. As things got more heated Crowley carefully positioned himself to where they could lie down and not hurt his hip or Ezra’s still tender shoulder. 

“We’re a mess,” Crowley laughed. 

“I suppose we are,” Ezra giggled. It felt so good to be kissing and cuddling despite the need to be careful when they moved. They fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

Crowley was stiff and sore in the morning, groaning and moaning as he stretched out. Ezra did the same as he sat up. 

“We sound like we’re old, absolutely ancient,” Crowley said. 

“We do don’t we,” Ezra said with a smile, “A preview I suppose of when we truly are old and grumbling out of bed.” 

“You’d put up with me that long?” Crowley asked. 

“My dear I would put up with you for eternity if I could,” Ezra said. Crowley could feel himself blushing and pulled Ezra closer to kiss him. 

“I love you Ezra.” 

“I love you too Crowley.” 

Crowley smiled. He had never thought he would find a love like this; had even convinced himself that he didn’t need it. Now he had it and he was going to cherish every second of it.


End file.
